Happy Monday, y’all! Since many good working folks the world around equate Mondays with all kinds of badness, I reckon I’ll allow my cranky side to rear its ugly head today. There’s this awful, stinking pile of poo I recently read that I’d like to alert you to so you can avoid it at all costs. “Do tell,” you say? Okeydokey then, I will.
The God Players by Phil Valentine. I rated it 1 of 5 stars on Goodreads and shelved it there as 21st-century, American, fiction, homophobic, propaganda, & toilet paper. If you’d like to read the synopsis, click the linked title above.
This is the worst book I’ve ever read, and Valentine is a horrible writer. I’m not kiddin’, folks. How bad is it? My policy, because there’re far more books than there is time to read them, when I come across a bad or mediocre book, is to give it 10, 50, or, in some cases, 100 pages before I make the decision to close it and add it to my “did not finish” shelf. The God Players is so bad that I couldn’t quit reading it. I had to read it through to the end to see if it stayed consistently bad or kept getting worse and worse. This book doesn’t deserve the designation of “novel”. It is pure, unadulterated, white American male conservative evangelical christian homophobic propaganda.
When I finished this book in April, I mentioned in a blog post that I couldn’t wait to savage it here and on my Blog. I was going to write my first lengthy review in a long time and offer a thoroughly critical deconstruction of its awful, completely predictable plot and nasty, despicable characters. I couldn’t wait to cite quote after quote after quote of Valentine’s bad writing from its pages.
But my ire has cooled, and I have much better things to do with my time than waste it on proving my point so thoroughly. Consider: It was published in December 2015 and has only garnered 30 ratings and 8 reviews on Goodreads (mine makes those numbers 31 & 9), one of which is the author’s. Until mine, every rating was 4 or 5 stars. That tells me that the only people who bothered to share their thoughts about it there before me are probably either family, friends of Valentine’s, longtime listeners & fans of his radio talk show, or some combination of the 3.
The God Players is so revolting that it caused me to create 3 new Goodreads shelves: ‘homophobic’, ‘propaganda’, and ‘toilet paper’. If I hadn’t borrowed it from my awesome Nashville Public Library, I would’ve kept the book and used it to wipe my ass ’til I’d flushed every last page.
Seriously, folks. Don’t take my word for it. You wanna see how horrible it is? Read it for yourself. Goodreads editors, if you’re listening, I ask that you create a new list, “Most Shameful Books of the 21st Century”, and make The God Players the very first entry.
Here’s a pic to show you all exactly how I feel about this book:
If y’all wanna see how truly bad a book can be, read this one. It won’t exactly be a breeze, but it’ll be eye-opening and informative. Whatever you do, though, don’t spread the word too much. If ever a book deserved to be consigned to the mists of history, bless me, it’s this one!