It’s July 24, 2017, and I still haven’t written any new poems since the poor one I dashed out on 1/13/17, listed on my Poems page. I also haven’t yet figured out how to either: 1) Publish a new post simultaneously to a particular page (for instance, Poems) as well as my Home page; or 2) Remove a post from my Home page after publication and move it to a different page.
I’m posting this old poem (first written as a song during that delirious summer, circa August 2011, when I joined two friends, Tommy on acoustic and Corey on electric guitar, and briefly deluded myself into believing I could front a band) not to showcase my profound poetic skills (they’re more profane than profound) but to see what happens when I publish this post. Will it appear on my Home page and my Poems page, or will it only appear on my Home page? If only on Home, how do I get it to post on Poems?
Anyway, the poem, which begs for revision, follows. I welcome any comments on the poem, its quality, and especially suggestions for how I can make my blog posts do what I want them to do. Thank you all for taking the time to read and offer feedback. As always, take care, be well, and happy blogging!
Anna Lepsis
So this is the place
at which I’ve arrived
somewhere I hope
just a little bit shy
of the midway point
on the path of my life.
I never believed in regrets
‘til they started to come.
All I swore that I’d never do
I’ve damn sure now done.
And tears of blood fall
from my eyes ohh, one by one.
So long since you were
my girl and I was your man.
I looked in my dark glass my dear,
and you weren’t in my plans.
I lit out alone and now
that’s where I still stand.
My only relief comes
in my time machine.
The tires of my ’88 Mustang
and old metal bands scream,
while the ghosts of my past
rise and dance just like steam.
Now I’m here as you
check your mail all alone.
Just a short walk down the drive
of your broken home.
My fears unrealized
when my gaze doesn’t
turn you to stone.
Love sit yourself down
in my time machine.
I’ll carry you back
to our younger days’ dreams.
And our lives will just stop
rippin’ apart at the seams.
And where we’ll arrive
won’t be as bad as it’s been.
Hello! I think you have a nice cadence with your words here. I especially like:
I never believed in regrets/‘til they started to come./All I swore that I’d never do/I’ve damn sure now done.
I believe the theme here is a love lost and the sense of regret, with the hope of returning to kinder days. I’m not a fan of “girl” and “man” together. It’s a bit cliche.
My sense is pulling in more of the emotion from regret itself, rather than focusing on the lost romance might tighten and freshen it.
But, I’m a blogger and novelist, not a poet. So you’re getting my opinion rather than a literary critique. I applaud you for seeking feedback, though! You never know what little something-or-other will offer you the key to something transcendent.
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I’m grateful for your feedback, Angela. Dialogue & commentary aid revision, which as a writer you know is as vital for producing good writing as good lapidary is for producing quality jewelry. Thank you for taking the time!
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Your words mean a lot to me! So I have shown my appreciation in this nomination. Congratulations!
https://actressinreality.com/2017/07/29/the-versatile-blogger-award/
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I have nominated you with the above link.
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I like the structure, but I cannot relate to the content.
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Hi Denny,
Sorry for the delay in posting comments to your blogs. Life goes on. I will try to be more diligent with the rest of your postings.
Anyway, I like the structure to your poem, but I am not crazy about the content. I just cannot seem to relate.
Happy blogging
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Steven, you never need apologize to me unless you catch yourself being dishonest, in which case any apologies owed are only to yourself!
Don’t be diligent on my account. Few know better than I how busy life can be!
I am glad to hear from you, though!
Denny
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